Every time I have a bit of a close call on the road, I wonder if maybe I'm dead. Maybe I was involved in a horrible accident and died, but it was so sudden and traumatic that I'm carrying on as a ghost as if nothing ever happened. Actually, it doesn't even have to be a close call. If someone's headlights catch my eye a certain way, or I think I see a car in my peripheral vision that isn't really there... I start to wonder.
I have had this thought pattern ever since the first time I saw Dead End with Joe. That's what the movie is about - a family is involved in a tragic car accident and don't realize they're dead until spooky things start happening. After the movie, I started thinking, and 99% of the time, when I think, it leads to anxiety. This time was no exception.
"What if we're dead?" I asked suddenly.
Joe turned his attention from the TV to my worried face. "We're not even in the car, Michelle."
"I know, but we were," I said, wringing my hands. "What if we died, and we don't know it yet?"
"And we just happened to get a movie about that very thing?" He was making his ironic face. His mother also made that face.
"Yes," I answered matter-of-factly.
"Your mom said hi to us when we came in," he reminded me. "If we were dead, she wouldn't have seen us."
"Oh, right." Then my heart jumped again. "Oh my God, what if - "
"Honey," Joe interrupted me quickly. "We're not dead."
Turns out, he was right. But still, to this day, every so often when I park my car and turn off the engine, I wonder - what if I'm dead?
Maybe I should stop watching horror movies.
That is totally normal when you have a brush with death. I went through this when I survived a horrific fall when skiing without a scratch on me and to this day sometimes think, "I died that day. This is just heaven. I'm just continueing on and if this is heaven, it kinda blows, and I should win the lottery." No one really knows what happens when you die. There are endless possibilities.
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