And you think you have problems

Day 90

Every time I have a bit of a close call on the road, I wonder if maybe I'm dead. Maybe I was involved in a horrible accident and died, but it was so sudden and traumatic that I'm carrying on as a ghost as if nothing ever happened. Actually, it doesn't even have to be a close call. If someone's headlights catch my eye a certain way, or I think I see a car in my peripheral vision that isn't really there... I start to wonder.

I have had this thought pattern ever since the first time I saw Dead End with Joe. That's what the movie is about - a family is involved in a tragic car accident and don't realize they're dead until spooky things start happening. After the movie, I started thinking, and 99% of the time, when I think, it leads to anxiety. This time was no exception.

"What if we're dead?" I asked suddenly.

Joe turned his attention from the TV to my worried face. "We're  not even in the car, Michelle."

"I know, but we were," I said, wringing my hands. "What if we died, and we don't know it yet?"

"And we just happened to get a movie about that very thing?" He was making his ironic face. His mother also made that face.

"Yes," I answered matter-of-factly.

"Your mom said hi to us when we came in," he reminded me. "If we were dead, she wouldn't have seen us."

"Oh, right." Then my heart jumped again. "Oh my God, what if - "

"Honey," Joe interrupted me quickly. "We're not dead."

Turns out, he was right. But still, to this day, every so often when I park my car and turn off the engine, I wonder - what if I'm dead?

Maybe I should stop watching horror movies.

... And disappears inside of her head

Day 89

Sometimes I wish I could take a picture of my mind. Not like a CAT scan or anything, although I've had my fair share of those. I want to take a picture of the world I create inside my head. Maybe a group photo of all the characters I've breathed life into for so many years. A panoramic view of the huge backyard my imaginary house has, where the fog hangs from the trees, but it's not scary. An action shot of my pet goblin Nasal stealing someone's left sock. I would say a cute couple photo of me and my fake boyfriend Doyle, but once I decided he was my fake boyfriend, he died in the very next episode. Wow, even in my imagination I have horrible luck with guys.

Tuesday's gone with the wind

Day 88

Today was a very long day indeed. Not in a bad way, but I'm still tired. It was actually a rather good long day - apparently, those still exist, and now they exist in my world again. I'm very happy about this. I'm also happy to be in my pajamas, sitting on Grandma's chair, watching TV. Life is good.

The stink of clean

Day 87

I admit it - sometimes rather proudly - I enjoy doing laundry. There's something calming about it for me. It's definitely hard to fold sheets by yourself, which is evidenced in this picture, but there's nothing better than the feel and smell of clean sheets. Except maybe a clean, warm towel right out of the dryer. Or socks... yeah, clean dryer-fresh socks are the best. What was I saying about Boober Fraggle?

Shenanigans

Day 86

I have some of the best friends in the entire world. Katie sent me a text message earlier in the day to invite me over, then sent me another text message to remind me that she had sent me a text message. She's awesome like that. I showed up just as Steve was leaving to get the pizza, so we waved to each other as we drove past one another in the parking lot. Jon and Paul were already there when I showed up. Steve came back with the pizza, and we watched some Dexter episodes. Next to arrive was Heather, followed by Justin. Katie cooked five pounds of wings in varying degrees of spiciness. I even ate some, despite the fact that I'm not a big wing fan - so that's a definite compliment to Kate's cooking ability. I shared the couch and a fuzzy blanket with Heather, and she shared half of her "baldie" cookie with me, which I haven't had since I was a kid. That's a chocolate chip cookie, sans chocolate chips, for those who aren't in the know. We all watched Clerks 2, which is a hysterical flick on its own, but when you add it to our silly crew, it's even funnier. Heather even made a sign on a Post-It that said "DONKEY" to commemorate this epic viewing of the movie. As I was setting up for this picture, Katie warned me that the mantle might actually fall on me, but I scoff in the face of danger, plus I'm magic, so it didn't collapse. Paul was not in my self picture until the last second when he dove right in. He's a funny guy. I'm impressed he got in the shot on such short notice. Nobody even cared that I was wearing pajamas and you could probably totally see my red and white candy striped underwear through my plaid pants. I love you guys.

Phases

Day 85

I've decided that I'm pretty much in love with my bangs. They look good on me. I'm less in love with the red highlights, which are not so red anymore. They looked awesome when I first got them, but now they've faded to the point where they either look brassy or perfectly caramel, depending on the way the light hits them. I have to pay Lori a visit soon anyway, so it will go back to its usual color. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Box it out

Day 84

This is how Luna and I relieve stress at the end of the day - we box. I pretend to throw a punch and say, "Box it out, Lu." And she comes back at me with her own little punches. She's (usually) very good about not using claws. I don't know why I find it fun to spar with my cat, but I never said I was normal.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Day 83

I think Luna's about as sick of me taking pictures as I am of seeing pictures of myself. 282 days to go, Lu. Hang in there.

Club Pogo

Day 82

Sue introduced me to Pogo back in 2002. She was playing Word Whomp one afternoon, and suddenly I was addicted. I signed up for my own account on September 17, 2002. Nine years later, I'm still a Club Pogo member. As the real me has changed in appearance, so has my Pogo Mini. I change "my" clothing at least monthly, just to switch things up. Luna now joins me in my Pogo world, since she's my constant companion in real life. I've phased through many backgrounds, hair styles, and outfits. I have earned 267 badges in my years on Pogo. I have 1,265,411 tokens and 88 gems. I spend most of my tokens on new clothing, so I guess my Pogo mini is a lot like me. My current "favorite" badge is The Shooting Star badge I got playing Panda Pai Gow Poker on January 24, 2005. I just like the picture - cute little panda and stars - what's not to like? Pogo has gotten me through a lot of boredom over the years, and I'm sure it will continue to do so for a long time to come.

Such a seeps

Day 81

This is as far as I made it when I got home. I checked the mail and got 2 discs of Angel from NetFlix - very exciting. I opened the door to the basement to let Luna up, but didn't even bother going down. I'm tired. There's a DVD player up here. It's all good. I'm not going to hip hop tonight because of the pain in my neck and shoulders (the resulting migraine thankfully went away with the help of Aleve) and the new pain in my right leg - still not sure what I did to it, but it's not happy with me for something. Dance class would not be the best idea right now. So I'm really not planning on moving from the couch tonight. With any luck, I'll make it down the stairs to go to bed later. But I'll set the alarm on my phone just in case.

First day

Day 80

I had a great first day in my new position as a marketing manager. Nice atmosphere, cool people, and a coffee maker in the kitchen. What more do I need? I'm encouraged to be creative and throw out my own ideas, which I realized I had missed, but how much I had missed it was unclear even to me until today. I really think I can succeed at this, and I'm very happy. The commute is a bit more than I'm used to, but that will change in a couple of weeks. The new place is only about 15 minutes away from the office. I pulled myself together, put my life back on a good track, and I'm actually quite proud of myself for doing it. Things are definitely moving in the right direction.

High Anxiety

Day 79

I was doing pretty well until my nerves found the overdrive switch. Now I'm fretting over the new job I'm starting tomorrow. What if I forgot every marketing skill I ever learned? (I know that's ridiculous, as I can recall specific things I did at previous jobs.) What if I'm not cut out for this at all anymore? (Also ridiculous because I've wanted back into this field practically since the day I got out.) What if they hate me? (Not likely - I'm pretty awesome.) But regardless of the fact that I can counter all of my paranoid self-doubting questions with fairly rational answers, I'm still more than a little bit nervous. I guess that's normal before starting a new job, but I could really do without all of this nervous energy.

Dislike!

Day 78

This was the best view I could get of the super cool full moon that is supposedly out tonight. I went around the whole house, trying to get a good look at it. Damn trees!

Conflicting agendas

Day 77

I was trying to get some important things done online. Luna was having none of that. It was cuddle and nap time, and I had clearly missed the memo. She had no problem curling up right between me and the laptop. Snoozing doesn't wait for Mommy to get with the program.

The luck of the not so Irish

Day 76

This is exactly what it looks like - two German chicks celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Why the hell not? We had a blast!

A fond farewell

Day 75

For the last year and change, I have had the privilege of working with a truly great team. Kelly and I are the last of the original team, and we bonded rather quickly when I first started working there. Lisa joined the schedulers from medical records in September. Jess is the newbie to scheduling, but she's an excellent addition. I have been through so much with these ladies, work related and otherwise. True teamwork and friendship held us together even on the most stressful days. Even when I was in Florida, they still made me feel like part of the team. They always had my back. We've shared so much of our lives with each other, because when you think about it, you really do spend more time with your coworkers than anyone else in your life. Sometimes that thought can be kind of depressing, but it's not nearly so bad when you can share that time with people you genuinely like and have fun with. Today was my last day, and I will definitely miss our fun conversations, fits of laughter, and other shenanigans. I know we will keep in touch, and I hope to see all of them soon, preferably outside of an office! I will miss you all!

Kicks

Day 74

Mom got me these Sketchers Shape Ups for Christmas in 2009. I admit I was a bit skeptical that they would actually work, or do anything at all. I was pleasantly surprised. You really can feel it in your hips, thighs, and butt when you wear these shoes. Pretty cool stuff. I've worn them to the gym before, but tonight I decided to really push the envelope and wear them to hip hop. Here goes nothing!

Oh, I'm stressed

Day 73

There are some days when all you can really do at the end is put your head in your hands and think, "OMFG." Today was one of those days.

Bonding experience

Day 72

Mom and I had girly manicure time today, followed by coffee at Starbucks. We swung by the old house on Cobblestone Court, which was a neat trip down memory lane. They moved our driveway - it now curves in the other direction, and it bothers me. Oh well. Not my residence anymore. I do miss that house though. Then we went to the grocery store, which isn't exactly a thrilling conclusion to the afternoon, but all's well that ends with food.

Oh noes!

Day 71

My distractions must be working, because I almost forgot to take the self photo for today. Look how close I came to missing it! Yikes.

Busy bee

Day 70

I've taken on a new project to help Ron out, and this is now part of my Friday evening. Not all of it, mind you, but part of it. I'm not a total loser; just a nerd.

YAY!

Day 69

No, I haven't gone completely insane. Not yet anyway. This is just me doing the happy girl dance. I have a new job to look forward to, and I just found a great apartment! I will be moving in the first weekend in April. Things are definitely turning around for me. Even more awesomeness is on the horizon. I'm sure of it.

Porter out

Day 68

I'm smiling because I gave my notice today. I got a job in marketing, so I'm finally back in my field, and I will hopefully remember what the hell I'm doing. If not, I'm luckily a very quick learner.

Shall we dance?

Day 67

Squared has been going to this hip hop class for a long time now. On our way into the city back in December, I decided I was going to sign up this time around.

I got to Squared's house around 6:30, and then her friend Kristie (who has probably served me drinks at Celtic before) showed up too. The three of us got into Squared's new car and headed to Commack High School for some hip hop dance lessons.

It was actually a fairly tough class, but a lot of fun. We went through all the warm ups and then started learning the dance we will do at the recital in May. (Yes, there's a recital. That ought to be interesting.) I suck so badly at hip hop dancing, but it's so much fun that I don't care. The group of ladies in the class is great, and we spent the whole time laughing our way through it.

"I've never had so much fun being bad at something!" I exclaimed in Squared's car on the way home.

I'm definitely looking forward to the next class, and the next 8 weeks of dancing!

Harumph!

Day 66

My "the knot in my calf will stretch itself out if I spend an hour on the elliptical" theory was an epic fail. I can't tell if it hurts any more, but it definitely doesn't hurt any less. On the up side, I spent an hour on the elliptical. On the down side, the rest of my night involves a lot of Tiger Balm and bad television. But that's really not so different from any other night of the week. Actually, it's exactly the same as every other night.

Rainy Sunday

Day 65

Bed, pajamas, fuzzy socks, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It must be a Sunday. The cold from hell adds a little something special that I would rather do without. I'm at the end of Season 7 for the second time, which means I've clocked 14 years worth of TV in the last few months. I am so awesome - somebody stop me.

Sickly

Day 64

I apologize for the painfully boring blog posts of late. But my head feels like it's floating in a fishbowl, my skin is on fire and has that gross prickly feeling, I wake up drenched in sweat, and I can't seem to drink enough water. My entire weekend has been spent in bed, except for a few hours on Friday night, which I ended up regretting despite the good company because I felt like death afterward. Once I'm done dying from the plague, I'm hoping to perk up and at least write more entertaining blog entries. At least I have an itty bitty nurse to cuddle with me and lick my nose. Highly unprofessional, but effective.

Cuddle bug

Day 63

After expressing my concerns over dinner about Luna's issues and not knowing what to do with her, this is what I came home to. It's like she knew. She's trying to be better, and I know she's still a kitten, so allowances have to be made for that fact. There is something to be said for trying. Luna gets a gold star for effort today.

FML

Day 62

You will notice that I am not at the gym. I am sitting on Grandma's chair in the basement, watching The First 48 with a thermometer in my mouth. My skin is burning, and I feel like my head might fall off. I'm not sure why this always happens when I decide to get my shit together and pull my life back onto its imagninary track. But without fail, I always end up getting derailed. Every. Single. Time.

Excuses

Day 61

I'm really beginning to think that this whole going to the gym straight from work thing is just another way to justify not doing my hair. What's the point of putting effort into my hairstyle if I'm just going to get all sweaty and gross? Who do I have to impress anyway? Nobody.

C is for Cookie

Day 60

This was my reward for forcing myself to go to the gym today. I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and therefore earned a cookie. That's how things work in my world. It's not a Friendly's sundae, but as far as cookies go, it's exceptional.